A few years ago, when my daughter was less than a year old, I joined a group called Front Row Dads. Their motto hit me like a ton of bricks: “Family men with businesses, not businessmen with families.”
I wanted to be that. I wanted to be the dad who showed up fully – present, energized, engaged. But I was also building something I loved. A company that mattered. A team that depended on me. And for a while, I told myself I could do both at 100%. Then COVID hit.
My daughter was four. My wife was now working remotely in our living room. Like so many people during this time, we were juggling being preschool teachers, a marriage under the pressures of quarantine, the absence of our friends, family, and activities that anchored us…and a business in survival mode.
Like every company during that time, we were scrambling. And I was the one holding it all together – or at least that’s what I told myself.
But here’s what actually happened: I “came home” depleted. I didn’t have the mental focus or physical energy to play with my daughter the way I wanted to. I was physically present but emotionally absent. And slowly, insidiously, I began to resent the business. Not because it was failing, but because it was demanding everything I had, and I had nothing left for the people who mattered most.
That resentment didn’t just hurt my family. It hurt my team. When you’re running on fumes, you don’t show up as the leader your people deserve. You show up as a shell of one.
This isn’t a parenting story – and these business feelings didn’t just happen during COVID. This is an operational crisis. Because a burnt-out COO isn’t just tired – they’re a liability.
The Hidden Tax of Executive Burnout: What It Actually Costs Your Company
Let’s be brutally honest: burnout isn’t just a “you problem.” It’s a systems failure that bleeds into every corner of your business.
When you’re operating at a burnout level of 6 or higher (on a 1-10 scale), your decision-making narrows. Your ability to think strategically collapses. You stop being the Anchor and start becoming dead weight, dragging the ship down.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
Bad Hires Made in Desperation
When I was burning the candle at both ends, I hired a freelancer too quickly. I was desperate to take pressure off my plate, so I skipped my usual vetting process. They weren’t the right fit. Poor quality work. Misaligned expectations. Before we parted ways, they’d cost us thousands of dollars and weeks of lost momentum.
That’s the tax of exhaustion. You make decisions to relieve immediate pain instead of solving the actual problem.
Lost Ability to Resist the Idea Tornado
One of the COO’s core responsibilities is protecting the team’s focus from the CEO’s endless stream of new ideas. But when you’re burnt out, you lose the capacity to push back. You say yes to everything because you don’t have the energy to fight.
I’ve been there. I let Idea Tornadoes rip through my team’s roadmap because I was too fried to say, “Not yet.” The result? Wasted time. Wasted money. Wasted morale.
Consider This Post: Are You the Anchor for a Hot Air Balloon CEO? – Deepen your understanding of how to maintain the right tension in your partnership so you don’t snap under the “Idea Tornado.”
Emotional Dysregulation That Destroys Trust
As a COO with ADHD, emotional regulation is something I’ve always had to manage intentionally. But when I’m running on empty, that intentionality evaporates. I snap at people who don’t deserve it. I lose my temper over minor issues that I should handle with grace.
If you’ve ever felt your chest tighten during a Slack message or taken out your frustration on someone on your team (or worse, your family), you know exactly what I’m talking about. That’s not a character flaw. That’s a nervous system in crisis.
And here’s the operational truth: your team notices. They lose trust in your leadership. They start managing around your mood instead of focusing on the mission.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
In my first year coaching operational leaders, 85% of my new clients came to me already at a burnout level of 6 or higher. At a 6, you’re not “fine.” You’re in the danger zone. Your cortisol is chronically elevated. Your ability to regulate emotion is compromised. You’re making decisions from a reactive, survival-based state instead of a strategic, proactive one.
And if you think you can just “push through,” let me save you the pain: you can’t. Not sustainably. Not without it costing you and your company far more than you’re willing to pay.
Why COOs Burn Out Faster Than Other Executives (And Why ADHD Makes It Worse)
Burnout isn’t distributed equally across the executive team. COOs carry a unique operational burden that makes them especially vulnerable.
The Middle Seat Tax
You absorb friction from above and below. The CEO brings you chaos disguised as vision. The team brings you problems they can’t solve on their own. You’re the shock absorber for the entire organization.
This isn’t just emotionally draining—it’s neurologically expensive. Every context switch, every firefight, every “quick question” burns cognitive fuel. And unlike your CEO (who thrives in chaos) or your CFO (who has clearly defined swim lanes), you’re expected to operate in every domain simultaneously.
The ADHD Amplification Effect
If you have ADHD, this burden is compounded by the way your brain processes stress and stimulation.
Here’s what the research shows:
- Dopamine Depletion: ADHD brains rely on dopamine for focus, motivation, and emotional regulation. High-stress, high-context-switching environments (aka your entire job) drain dopamine faster than neurotypical brains can replenish it. The result? You hit a wall faster, and “just pushing through” doesn’t work. (Source: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A Clinical Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment, Larry Silver, MD)
- Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Many people with ADHD experience intense emotional pain in response to perceived criticism or failure. When your CEO questions a decision or a project goes sideways, it doesn’t just sting – it can send you into a shame spiral that takes hours or days to recover from. That’s cognitive bandwidth you can’t afford to lose.
- Executive Function Under Load: ADHD already taxes your working memory, task initiation, and prioritization. Add chronic stress and sleep deprivation, and those executive functions collapse entirely. You stop being able to see the big picture. You lose the ability to triage effectively. Everything feels urgent, so nothing gets the focus it actually needs.
The Emotional Regulation Crisis
Here’s my tell: when things start going even slightly off-plan, I lose my self-control. Like many people with ADHD, I’m calm in a true emergency—but I can lose my mind when small things change unexpectedly.
The first question I ask myself is: “Have I eaten lately? What about water?” (ADHD brains are notoriously bad at interoception – the ability to sense your body’s needs.)
But when this behavior starts showing up multiple times a week, when I’m snapping at my family, losing patience with my team, or raging at strangers on the road, it’s a clear sign something needs to change.
Physically, it shows up as a tight jaw, sore shoulder blades, and tension headaches. That’s not stress. That’s a nervous system in overdrive with no off-ramp.
Consider This Post: The ADHD COO’s Guide to an Unstoppable Founder Partnership – Learn how to build the specific “Rules of Engagement” that prevent the CEO’s chaos from becoming your burnout.
The Dangerous Myth of the #AllIn Badge of Honor
Startup culture has conditioned us to believe that working until your eyes bleed is a sign of commitment. We glorify 80-hour weeks. We use hashtags like #allin and #neverstop to justify unsustainable schedules.
Let me be blunt: this is a lie, and it’s a dangerous one.
The founders who brag about 80-hour weeks are either:
- Lying
- Medicated in ways they’re not disclosing
- On the verge of implosion (and taking their companies with them)
Every business has it’s seasons – so if you need to pull an 80-hour week during the holidays, or tax season, or for the month of July…that’s one thing. But it shouldn’t be the standard for you or for your team.
Beyond the personal toll, the #AllIn mindset is hell on your relationships and a massive operational risk for your company. When you’re burnt out, you can’t see the Idea Tornado coming. You stop coaching your CEO and start resenting them. You lose the ability to retain your best people because you’re too fried to lead them well.
This isn’t sustainable. And it’s not a badge of honor – it’s a systems failure.
Real Talk: The company won’t fold because you slept eight hours; it will fold because you made a $50,000 hiring mistake or let a toxic culture fester because you were too exhausted to notice the warning signs. Being a martyr isn’t leadership—it’s an ego trip that costs your team their peace of mind.
The Mindset Shift: From Hero to Captain
Most COOs burn out because we have a Hero Complex. We think if we’re not the ones moving every barrier, the road stays blocked. If we’re not solving every problem, the company falls apart.
But when you play the Hero, you become the Business Bottleneck.
The shift that saved me, and the shift I coach every client through, is this:
Stop being the Hero. Start being the Captain.
Heroes are those who step in to save the day. A Captain, however, holds overall command and ultimate responsibility for the safety, success, and operations of their team or organization. Their core function is leadership, decision-making, and accountability, which, in a business context, means building resilient systems so that heroic, last-minute saving is unnecessary.
Your job isn’t to absorb every ounce of friction. Your job is to design an organization that can function without you being the shock absorber. And you can’t do that if you’re drowning.
Harsh Truth: You cannot Anchor a company if you are drowning.
The 3 Tactical Strategies to Reclaim Your Vitality
These aren’t generic self-care tips. These are ADHD-friendly, operationally sound strategies that actually work in the chaos of startup life.
Strategy #1: The ADHD-Friendly Power Block (The 10/50 Rule)
Work-life balance in a sub-$5M startup is a myth. The work is all-encompassing. But you can build guardrails.
For the ADHD brain, massive “block out your afternoon” time blocks are where focus goes to die. Your brain needs structure, challenge, and a finish line.
Try This Today: The 10/50 Rule
Schedule 1-hour Power Blocks with a specific, narrow focus:
- First 10 Minutes: Define exactly what “Done” looks like for this hour. No vague goals. Write it down: “Draft Q1 hiring plan with specific role definitions.”
- Next 50 Minutes: Trigger a hyper-focus sprint. Turn off Slack. Close your email. Put your phone in another room. This is where the ADHD brain thrives—short, intense bursts with clear stakes.
The Name Matters: Don’t call it “Work Time” or “Focus Time.” Call it something your team will respect: “Strategic Architecture: DO NOT DISTURB.” People interrupt “work time.” They don’t interrupt a project or a 1-on-1 meeting – and that’s really what this is, it’s YOUR 1-on-1 meeting with yourself.
The Off-Ramp Is Non-Negotiable: If you say you stop at 6:00 PM, STOP! Close the laptop. Walk away. The work will be there tomorrow. Your daughter’s childhood won’t be.
Pro Tip: Set a timer for 30 minutes before (and maybe another for 15 minutes before). These are your cues to wind it down. Take notes on where you are and where you need to pick back up tomorrow. Then, when it is time to stop – you are prepared. You can’t be expected to slam your laptop shut when the alarm goes off — and let’s be honest, you wouldn’t do it anyway.
Why This Works (The Neuroscience):
ADHD brains need urgency and novelty to trigger dopamine release. The 50-minute sprint creates both. You’re racing a clock, which activates your brain’s reward system. And because you’ve pre-defined “done,” you get the dopamine hit of completion, which neurotypical people get more easily but ADHD brains desperately need.
Client Win:
One of my private coaching clients started her first session at an 8 on the burnout scale. She was drowning in meetings, never had time to think, and was seriously considering quitting. We audited her calendar and implemented Power Blocks. She reduced her meetings, blocked off time, and treated those blocks like sacred 1-on-1s with herself. Within two weeks, the pressure was being released. By our third session, she reported dropping to a 5. The work didn’t disappear, but she finally had the capacity to think strategically instead of just surviving reactively.
Strategy #2: Moving Meditations for the Restless Mind
If you have ADHD, sitting still in a quiet room to “meditate” often feels impossible, and can actually increase your stress. It does for me.
To stay Anchored, you need to get out of your head and back into your body. This isn’t just “taking a break.” It’s emotional regulation.
Try This Today: Choose Your Moving Anchor
- Qigong or Yoga: Slow, intentional movements that force you to focus on your breath. The physical demand keeps your ADHD brain engaged while calming your nervous system.
- Tactile Focus: Solve a Rubik’s Cube. Try juggling. Take a martial arts class. Go bouldering or rock climbing. These activities demand total presence. Your brain can’t wander because your body needs you.
- The ADHD brain loves these because they provide a “flow state” that is physically impossible to ignore. Juggling doesn’t give you room to worry about the Q3 budget—if you stop focusing, the ball hits the floor. That forced presence is what “cleans” the dopamine receptors and allows for a true reset.
- The Sensory Reset: Go for a walk without a podcast, without music, without your phone. Focus entirely on the sound of your feet hitting the pavement. The wind on your face. The rhythm of your breath. This forces your brain into the physical present, which is where emotional regulation happens.
I know this might feel touchy-feely for some, but the science backs it up.
Why This Works (The Neuroscience):
Movement increases GABA (a neurotransmitter that calms the nervous system) and reduces cortisol. For ADHD brains, the physicality also provides the stimulation needed to stay engaged, which traditional meditation often lacks. You’re not fighting your brain’s need for input—you’re channeling it productively.
Added Bonus: Learning how to solve a Rubik’s Cube or juggle will make you the life of any party.
Strategy #3: The Clarity Brain-Dump (The Sunday Night Reset)
Burnout is often caused by the “Mental Load,” the 500 tasks spinning in your head that you’re terrified you’ll forget.
Try This Today: The Sunday Night Reset
Spend 15 minutes before the week starts doing a complete brain dump. Every fire. Every Idea Tornado from the CEO. Every family commitment. Every half-formed thought about that hire you need to make.
Pro Tip: For the ADHD brain, “Brain Dumping” can feel like just another chore. Use a voice-to-text app (like Otter.ai or just your phone’s notes) while you walk. Externalizing the chaos verbally is often faster and less taxing than staring at a blank piece of paper.
While it’s only in your head, it’s a stressor. Once it’s on paper (or in your task manager), it becomes an operational task.
Why This Works (The Neuroscience):
The Zeigarnik Effect shows that our brains obsess over unfinished tasks. You know it’s true, regardless of knowing the name of the effect. Writing them down signals to your brain that the task is “captured,” freeing up working memory and reducing background anxiety. For ADHD brains with already-limited working memory, this is critical.
Consider This Free Download: Use the Anchored COO Clarity Planner. It’s a one-sheet planner designed specifically for the ADHD brain – brain dump, prioritize, time-block – all in one place.
The Burnout Self-Diagnostic: Where Are You Right Now?
Take 60 seconds and answer these five questions honestly. Rate yourself on a 1-10 scale (10 = “this is me constantly”):
- Are you making decisions to avoid conflict rather than drive outcomes?
(If you’re saying yes to everything because you don’t have the energy to push back, that’s a 7+) - Are you snapping at people who don’t deserve it – your team, your partner, strangers on the road?
(Emotional dysregulation is one of the first casualties of burnout) - Have you lost your ability to think strategically, and are you just firefighting all day?
(If you haven’t had a single “deep work” session in the past week, that’s a red flag) - Are you physically showing signs of stress – tight jaw, shoulder tension, headaches, digestive issues?
(Your body keeps the score, even when your brain tries to push through) - Are you resenting the business or the people in it, even though you used to love the work?
(Resentment is the canary in the coal mine for burnout)
If you scored a 6 or higher on two or more of these, you’re in the danger zone.
Consider This Post: No matter how hard you try, your processes will become more and more complicated. Untangling the Spaghetti: A Guide to Business Process Simplification provides a 5-step framework for turning your complex processes into simple, elegant workflows.
The Vitality ROI: Why This Isn’t Just Self-Care
Here’s the reframe that changed everything for me:
Vitality isn’t a luxury. It’s your competitive advantage.
When you’re operating at 90% capacity instead of 60%, you:
- See the Idea Tornado coming and coach your CEO before it derails the team
- Retain your best people because you have the emotional bandwidth to lead them well
- Make strategic hires instead of desperate ones
- Build systems instead of just putting out fires
One of my recent clients was at a 7, absolutely stressed about an employee who was causing more problems than they were solving. This person had been reprimanded, given opportunities to improve, and nothing changed. But my client kept avoiding the hard conversation because they didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with the fallout.
We talked it through. I gave them “permission” to do what they already knew they needed to do. The moment they decided, you could literally see them take a breath and relax – and the conversation hadn’t even happened. The pressure was released, instantly. They let the person go the next day, and by our following session, they said it felt like a weight had been lifted.
Let’s be clear, this decision required them to pick up some of the slack – but they were already doing that anyway. Within two weeks, they advertised the job opening and began finding a replacement. The toxicity, resentment, and major underlying stress lifted.
That’s not just self-care. That’s operational clarity.
Conclusion: Your Vitality is the Mission
If you’re sitting at a 7 or 8 on the burnout scale right now, I want you to hear this clearly: You are not broken.
You aren’t “weak” for feeling the weight of the middle seat. You aren’t failing because you can’t “push through” a 70-hour week with a smile. The truth is, early-stage startups are designed to be all-consuming. When you pair that environment with an ADHD brain that is wired to solve every problem and chase every “Idea Tornado,” burnout isn’t a sign of personal failure, it’s a predictable result of a system without an anchor.
Burnout is a systems failure, not a character flaw. You don’t need more “grit”; you need a better operating system. You need a way of leading that treats your vitality as a non-negotiable asset rather than a disposable resource.
The mission of your company requires you to be whole. Your family requires you to be present. And you – the person behind the title – deserve to live a life where you aren’t just surviving until Friday afternoon.
Stop giving them your scraps. It’s time to move from being the Hero who saves the day to the Captain who designs a future you actually want to live in.
Frequently Asked Questions About COO/Executive Burnout
Ready to Get Control Of Your Executive Burnout?
If you’re reading this, the math is already working against you.
If you rated yourself at a 6 or higher on that burnout scale, you aren’t just “busy.” You’re currently paying a “Vitality Tax” that is costing you thousands in bad decisions, eroding the trust of your team, and—most importantly—robbing your family of the man they deserve.
You can keep trying to “push through” it. But we both know how that ends. Eventually, the Anchor snaps.
I have a better way. I want to give you the exact ADHD COO Success Map I use with my private 1-on-1 clients—for free.
Here’s the deal: We jump on a 30-minute Clarity Call.
- We Audit Your Calendar: We’ll find the 10–15 hours a week you’re currently losing to the “Fixer’s Trap.”
- We Map Your “Rules of Engagement”: I’ll give you the specific scripts to use with your CEO to stop the “Idea Tornado” before it hits your desk.
- We Build Your Guardrails: We’ll design your first two “Power Blocks” so you can start reclaiming your vitality by Monday morning.
There is no high-pressure sales pitch. I do these calls because some of you will want me to help you implement the whole system, and that’s how I get my best clients. But if you just take the map and do it yourself? That’s a win for me, too. It means there’s one less burnt-out leader giving scraps to their family.
You didn’t become a COO to survive. You became a COO to build. Let’s get you back to the version of yourself that actually enjoys the build.
